i'm suffocating.
this sucks.
friends who don't understand. friends who chose to leave me.
f my life.

all i wanted, is you to love me.
do you really love me?
i guess not.

i'm so freaking stressed now.
homework. exams. concert. parents' expectations. friendship problems.
faking my smile.

he's angry..
one day.. he'll break up with me..
isn't it?

because nobody wants to be with a person who cries and irritate him everyday.
because i don't deserve to be loved.
because i'm an attention seeker.
because i'm useless.
because i'm stupid.

how i wish.. that when i'm unhappy.. you can always see it..
how i wish.. when you see that i'm faking.. you don't have to try to avoid it..
because i knew it.. i know that you know that i'm not well.. you just don't want to face it..
i should stop being emo le.. i should.. those feelings.. should be hidden away.. forever..

* * * * is it so easy to say those words? how much anger does it takes to say those words?
if i knew all this would happen. i will never say yes.
but i love you so much.

"again le... again.. why must it always happen.."
because i yearn for you to really love me.
because i don't know how to give.
because i don't know how to accept.

that's me.
right?

arguements. conflicts. yearning for attention. love. so tiring.
and nobody understands.

now. when you scold me. i will just close my eyes and let the tears flow.
i won't cry. i won't shout. i won't complain.
because that's the love you can give me. i can't ask for you to understand. because its impossible.

but, i really love you.