i'm suffocating.
this sucks.
friends who don't understand. friends who chose to leave me.
f my life.
all i wanted, is you to love me.
do you really love me?i guess not.
i'm so freaking stressed now.
homework. exams. concert. parents' expectations. friendship problems.
faking my smile.
he's angry..
one day.. he'll break up with me..
isn't it?
because nobody wants to be with a person who cries and irritate him everyday.
because i don't deserve to be loved.
because i'm an attention seeker.
because i'm useless.
because i'm stupid.
how i wish.. that when i'm unhappy.. you can always see it..
how i wish.. when you see that i'm faking.. you don't have to try to avoid it..
because i knew it.. i know that you know that i'm not well.. you just don't want to face it..
i should stop being emo le.. i should.. those feelings.. should be hidden away.. forever..
* * * * is it so easy to say those words? how much anger does it takes to say those words?
if i knew all this would happen. i will never say yes.
but i love you so much.
"again le... again.. why must it always happen.."
because i yearn for you to really love me.
because i don't know how to give.
because i don't know how to accept.
that's me.
right?
arguements. conflicts. yearning for attention. love. so tiring.
and nobody understands.
now. when you scold me. i will just close my eyes and let the tears flow.
i won't cry. i won't shout. i won't complain.
because that's the love you can give me. i can't ask for you to understand. because its impossible.
but, i really love you.
I'M SO SERIOUSLY TIRED.
WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING END.
THEY'RE TRYING TO HELP YOU.
AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
CONTINUE TO SUFFER?
CONTINUE TO KEEP THE SECRET?
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, YOU DON'T LIKE THIS.
THEN WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO.
I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS TOO!
SINCE YOU'RE SO ANGRY THEN GO SCOLD HIM!
WHY MUST YOU VENT THE ANGER ON ME?
WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
I WAITED FOR YOU TO GO FOR LESSONS.
AND YOU CAN'T EVEN WAIT FOR ME.
WALK AWAY, SAY YOU'RE ANGRY.
SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU COULD BE ANGRY AND I CAN'T?
SO EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT?
YES OKAY EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT.
I'M WRONG FOR SAYING EVERYTHING OUT.
THINKING THAT IT COULD HELP YOU.
I KNOW YOU'RE BLAMING ME.
YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE COME TO TALK TO YOU.
YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE TALKED TO HIM AND NOT YOU.
THEN WHAT YOU WANT?
JUST SAY IT.
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU WANT ANYMORE.
模糊了。对，大家的视线都模糊了。他们已经看不到我了。是我变得更透明了吗？还是大家从来都没有注意到我？
我不是懒惰。我只是没有力气了。我真的很累了。如果可以，我宁愿什么都不是。可是，人还是贪心的。是我的贪心让我变成现在的样子吗？我不知道。
我只希望躲在无人的角落我不在乎别人都在说什么我只希望能够不再受伤害
我害怕了。我真的好害怕。我也不想的，可是我真的很怕。为什么我不能勇敢一点呢？我不知道。我害怕大家讨厌我。我害怕会有人说我的坏话。我不明白为什么。人就是不懂得知足，不懂得满足。我的心好乱。我不知道我明天该不该去。他们会欢迎我吗？还是，不管我有没有去，对他们来说，都没有差别。或许，还会让他们更高兴？
世界，在你们离开之后，变得更模糊了。而我知道，不管我怎么哭，怎么祈求，都不会回来了。幸福，远离了。或许，我根本不配拥有幸福。对吧？我，一点都不是我装出来的好。我是个坏人。那个有贪念的坏人。我贪的，是人缘。我只是要一个爱我的人。可是，我却那么害怕没有人爱我。
世界，是不公平的。为什么我只是做了大家都会做的事，而大家就说我变了？我，真的变了吗？我心里的无阻，有人知道吗？那你们凭什么？我努力地讨好别人，我把自己丢弃了。可是，我得到了什么？怀疑，怨恨，不满。我又能做什么？如果我是自己一个人，会不会比较幸福呢？自己一个人，却让我好害怕。
我到底该怎么做呢？有谁能来告诉我？为什么别人就是能自由自在地做自己，而我却要伪装自己？反正也没有人会管。大家看到的，永远不是我。我永远都是好好的，我永远都不会有问题。我永远都要去帮助别人。可是，有谁能来帮助我呢？没有人，对吧？我，一点都不坚强。我的任性，是你们造成的。
外表真的那么重要吗？重要到身边的人都看不到了吗？
我不说了。
哥哥不疼我。妈妈不爱我。我真的好想改变。可是，不管我怎么努力，结果还是一样的。我只想要你们的爱，多一点也好。一点点就够了，可是，全世界都讨厌我。没有人会爱我。爸爸，我突然好像见你。我好想拥抱你。爸爸，你在哪里？为什么，我的要求只是那么简单，可是却永远得不到你们的爱？这世界上，根本都不会有人爱我，也不会有人疼我。我突然觉得好可悲，好想着世界上，只有我一个人，对抗这世界，我不知道我还能撑多久，我只想快点离开，反正，也不会有人在乎，也不会有人想念我。
自己对抗全世界的人。我真的好累，好累。我可以就这样离开吗？我能吗？现在的我，连离开的勇气都没有。如果可以选择，我宁愿自己没有活过，可是，我能选择吗？还可悲喔，连一个人在我身边的人都没有。根本就没有人发现我在哭。一个人，我要一个人到什么时候？可能一辈子吧，我也不知道。没有人想一个人面对世界，可是，我没有选择的余地。这个世界好不公平哦，有些人拥有了全世界却还在埋怨，而有些人一无所有却连一个在身边的人都没有。
~ 没有人爱的人
